Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Self-discovery

Today is one of those days I had to awkwardly hug someone. Because, you know, girls like to hug every time they meet or actually on any random time. Not just to hug her became an issue, I had to explain why I am so not comfortable with hugs, which you know I am so miserable at explaining myself. And bless you this conversation took place in our studio which means everyone can actually hear what we're saying.

I decided to post that on InstaStory today.

I openly wrote on how I am not comfortable with touch and its getting very hard to explain it to people, especially with my best girl friends.

Later I received a private message from eizza suggesting me I should just say 'I have personal space issue', I never think of such term so I googled that out and yes! There's a disorder linked for that issue!

Personal Space Issue.

It all make sense now.

I was so happy not because I have that disorder or anything. But I was so glad there's a term that I can simply use whenever the needs arrive. And part of me is happy to have discovered another character in my personality. Its not major but its interesting because I'm so into that category.

I am always aware of direct touch on me, and by always I mean ALWAYS. Be it from cat, human or any animal. Now I get it why I am not so fond of some animal, because they can touch me whenever.  Now I get it why I cant eat when there's a cat nearby, because at most time the cat will touch me, or worst, jump on my lap.

And my private zone is my castle. I get very uncomfortable when people enter my room. And even now in the UK, my current room is a no-no area to the whole Sheffielders haha. 

Another relatable point of PSI, I hate being in line with someone at my back, which at most time I tried to avoid. In boarding school before, I hardly wait in line for anything. I let other people iron their school uniforms first because I dont like they staring through me. I remember leaving a queue just because the people in the line get so cramped and just recently in Manchester Airport, I let the people behind me to be in front of me just because I can't stand they standing too close to me. 

I spent quite some time reading about this interesting personal space issue over the web. Because I'm surprised how relatable it is.

I leave this one article just for the fun of it :p

Thursday, September 22, 2016

My architecture soulmate

I am in Sarajevo, Bosnia right now. All happy exploring, travelling and all that.

But that was before I realised Joanna left our architecture group and a little later, left me a message: She has already quit architecture.

I was too surprised.

She told me that having decided architecture is not something for her, she is going to pursue animation. And its not in our university, but Sheffield Hallam.

My feelings were scattered all over the places; in between happy that she has figured out something so important for herself, and sad that she's no longer my architecture soulmate.

But of course I'm mostly sad. Sad that my dearest buddy is going away. Sad that she came to this decision alone, that I could not influence her to stay together any more longer. Maybe most importantly sad knowing that my fellow fighter is leaving me to continue my struggle in the architecture madness. 

I know I've got other friends to support each other but we all have that one person who we'll tell our truest feelings without mask. And to me, while I am in Sheffield, that one person is her.

How can I not be sad at this moment. Of course I remember our deep talks, our not-at-all-deep talks, our regular confession on most things, on how messed up we are, on our relief to know we both passed, and those at the very end of last sem - we promised many resolutions for second year. 

We used to complain on many things together and now I would have to complain alone haha.

Only a few days left to second year architecture and now I have to reset my mental again, because I have to admit it. Joanna decision to surrender had screwed up my mood towards architecture if you ask me.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Greeting my lecturer in Malaysia!

So my Sheffield School of Architecture lecturer is in Malaysia! Well actually no surprise, sensing by the many times he pronounced the name of my country and my people and my places, maybe he has always like Malaysia. That and the long 14-hours flight makes me appreciate his visit more. But this is not his first, and this time he aimed to do some research. Here goes my experience of being his research assistant:

Our research was filled with vagueness, we did not know what we will find. 

But in a plain sentence, my lecturer was interested with how people from different ethnicities utilise the same space.

During this research was the moment I was introduced to fellow architecture students in Sheffield. Masters students, which I really wished I've known much earlier. Well knowing how less experienced I was compared to them, I really felt like a tiny ant.

Simply said, the urban research was fun. We roamed around KL in finding public places where we could analyse if any interaction between different ethnicities happened. 

We observe people skins for hours. We were the harmony inspector. 

I realised that just as I sat at my observation spot, I was hoping my multi-racial community is on the street, they are real.

Only the result doesn't seem as real. 

We realised it is quite impossible to find an area that does not cater to a majority which belongs to a single race. 

The research was fun. 

But I don't think the feeling stretched over until the ending.

The day we wrapped up our research was bitter. Or at least thats what I felt. 

Bitterness in the sentiments we voiced out. In our effort to prove how harmony our life is. In our disagreements. But also in the silence we all have agreed on to. 

I wanted to turn this into a beautiful story but I couldn't. 

I'm feeling its ugly scars in me instead. 




Monday, April 18, 2016

Spring Holiday 2016 (Part 1)

I'm trying to give more commitment towards this blog. Because its kinda fun to see my personal activities are being archived, so here you go.

We had three weeks of easter break, and this is roughly what I did:

  • First week was slow and less productive, I stayed in Sheffield and probably did more UKEC works than my colleagues because many of us went on holiday. So why stay and not go on holiday too? Because we're waiting for Salmi, my housemate to finish her field trip then only we'll go on our own trip.
  • You have no idea how grateful I am for that one week delay, because our first destination: Brussel, had an explosion that week. We could have been on that place that day!
  • Went to Liverpool for an arts exploration with Intan! Went to Tate Museum and I very much like the arts gym concept! Liverpool was very different that what I imagined (I assumed it was sort like Sheffield but Sheffield was very kampungly aman-ish)
  • Did volunteering for an arts event in Rotherham, but I couldn't turn up for the second day because I was ill. Like many arts events here in the UK, I found their event concept is very cool.
  • Second week, went to Belgium. Cancelled our bookings in Brussel due to the security issue and burnt some tickets but I didn't feel that bad. 
  • Went straight to Antwerp (went by bus and didnt know we'll be in ferry transit haha, I was so lost that I discovered we're in ferry only after I felt a very bad sea-sickness) and went to Ghent for a day trip. It was amazing (will tell you detail-er in next post hopefully)
  • Went to Amsterdam after Belgium.
  • And the must visit Koekonhoef for its tulips! I now have thousand stock pictures of flowers haha.
  • Straight after the trip, I had an event in London. Erm yes UKEC Careers Fair to be exact.
  • I fell sick on the third day of the Fair. But I need to get back to Sheffield, so we get back to our place with me half-conscious of what I'm doing. It must look terrible whoever witness me carrying my large backpack very weakly.
  • I passed out for a week, I still remember being so worried cause I could tell no one about my illness and how no one could get to me (my whatsapp was crazy after that one week). 
  • Yes, I actually had a very bad fever twice just in the easter break period. I have no idea what happened to my antibody.
  • And just as I recovered: SPRING SEMESTER STARTS! 
  • Everything happened so fast and now I'm having my final review (didnt finish my things yet, I'm actually waiting for Autocad to finish installing haha). But see you next time! 
  • Thanks for reading!

This guy a professional filmmaker from USA

The arts school where I volunteered
Favourite stairs in Liverpool city

Well I told ya its my fave haha

Me sitting awkwardly in Liverpool Arts Gallery

Some people's works

We did this for free!

I already expected that we'd wear matching outfits. I just can sense it

Beautiful cafe we went for breakfast in Liverpool






ARCHIES is my favourite milkshake heaven!

Even I'm out of focus, but the bg so beautiful!
But honestly the art gallery experience was really different than the one I went while in Malaysia