Let me begin by saying how grateful I am that blogspot is still here, that my blog is still up and running, that I can still look back and reread everything that I wrote in my humble little online diary.
For future reference, this year the world seems to be flipped upside down as pandemic Covid-19 swept all across the globe. We have been in lockdown and quarantine mode for quite some time now. Now the offices (some of them) apply Work From Home / WFH culture. Which make me feel not left out since I work from home all the time. In fact, people spend most of their times staying at home, cross state travel are not allowed, even simply going out is not encouraged. 'New normal' slogan are being used here and there. Washing hands with hand sanitizers, temperature check and a login are a must when entering shops and shopping malls.
Its crazy. But it shows that we human have so little control over what's gonna happen next. We plan but eventually this is teaching us He is the best planner. I realized I have spent a lot of my times worrying and being anxious about a lot of things when really, I need to remind myself over and over again to surrender completely to Him; have tawakkal in Him and let Allah drive my life; that is when, maybe finally, my negativity will leave and I can then start to embrace the goodness in this life.
To tell you the truth, I am so tired of feeling like a shit. I know I shouldn't feel so, but honestly, thats what having no real progress/ visual growth made me feel like. I guess this is what happened when you are stuck mostly in your room and glued to the social media, they really take a toll on your mental health.
But I am learning to be better each day. I am trying to work hard to be a version of me my future self will thank me, despite my mental disorder. And by my future self, I mean way future in the akhirah when I will be questioned by Allah. I hope and praying by that time my current me wont let myself down.
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