Just sitting around. Went to some places with no money earn but vice versa. Reading and rereading all books I have. It all makes me sick day by day, hearing you works like the rest while I am busy in my own world. I thought I could have done murals in these past weeks but I havent received any response from the other side yet, so it left me hanging like this. Merely looking at the photos of how fun you guys at a day work. I used to do part time job too, back when I was form three , when I got so bored in pmr aftermath. But to see the fact I am jobless in my spm aftermath, is unbelievable.
Its hard to decide things when actually your decisions are depending on other people. Eventually you stuck between your own desire and other people expectation. Resulting to nowhere. Need a grab man. Its scary to think I gonna have my exam result soon, what with the becoming pru. People are fighting for nonsense accusations and still, judging people on what their brainpower got. and thats mainly the reason why I hate politics, because the people in it. My mates, you know what I'm talking about. Why do we need to interfere with something which we dont know where the truth basis is?
You dont have the right to judge me, or just to anyone else. Well then I hope I'll strike in my spm and live happily ever after. God had plan the best for me, and so for you but still. I hate to think what gonna happen. All the process of being there, to retrieve our result I mean, was too challenging. I have to admit my fifth and final year at that school was my most painful and tough year. I dont really have any best friend to talk to, cause I know I'd hurt them as much as I hurt myself anyway. It wasnt like I was lonely, in fact I feel blessed with so many friends I magically got in 2012. Doing it alone was better, and safer, I thought. People expect high on me. It was tiring. Thats why I dont bother to give them the pleasure. I dont care to even be an anonymous cause I like to contribute to the world with my things in a quite life. You may hate me. How many enemies I got was somehow a miracle too. Ha. ha. It was exhausting to live up to meet people expectation. You dont expect anything, dont judge. I really, am nothing. Ordinary as it is. But all along the days and months, even though I wasnt a good muslim but Allah was and is still there. The best listener in the universe. And up until now, when my times is filled with leisure, the feeling hasnt gone. Why in the world I am writing this really? Just for just I guess. As if my restlessness would evaporate. Being a jobless vagavonder, I cant help feeling all these uneasy, nervous and restless. Im scared. In Allah we trust. Lets hope these efforts will be paid with victory. Amin. Amin. Amin.