Soal Kematangan

Semalam aku 17. Hari ni naik genap 18. Selamat hari lahir semua kembarku sedunia. Terasa sangat odd. Mungkin kerana aku masih dalam usaha mengenal diri aku sendiri. Proses kematangan. Ahah kau tak suka dengar perkataan 'matang' ni kan. Seumpama aku terlalu rigid tentang peraturan kehidupan sedangkan  hidup kan sudah cukup seronok tanpa garis. Ya. Kita semua tak matang. Tapi satu hari ni kita perlu matang. Tak pun sedikit. Untuk hidup. Untuk survive. Kena tahu skema kehidupan. At least. I know, I read this on someone I truly respect. And it struck me. 

Umur 14 - 25 adalah waktu dimana kita didalam usaha mencari "Identiti diri". Sudah tentu identiti diri adalah sangat penting kerana ia adalah apa yang melambangkan seseorang insan. Ia apa yang menjadikan dia berbeza daripada manusia-manusia lain.  

So the idea there is that how you gonna carry your profile in your future journey is basically based on what would happen in this 11 years. Whats your biggest time consumer now and thats generally how you'll ended up yourself.

Jika di dalam waktu itu kita hanya habiskan masa dengan hiburan, maka didalam kadar peratusan tingginya, begitu jugalah kita nanti apabila sudah meningkat dewasa. Dan jika masa-masa kita dihabiskan dengan menyendiri, maka alamatnya sudah tentu kita menjadi seorang anti-sosial yang sangat sukar untuk digaul.

And so its always better to do something nice in these times my fellow kawan. Nice, you know like making real friends, exploring the world, mengenal Tuhan, travelling, reading things even you doesnt understand enough, painting or just anything. Through you life dictionary. And try to find a meaning behind them so we hardly get frustrated. Nanti dah besar kau tak termampu buat semua ni. Masa kau jadi sikit. Kemampuan kau makin kempis. We dont even know whether the world will still operates on green or not.  Then when its our old ages we wouldnt have to look back and regret on the days we've wasted. Mourning for our ugly sides and wish we had that time again. Instead, we will see oh what a beautiful youth we had.

Dan waktu ini jugalah untuk kita bereksperimen tentang hidup dan membuat sebanyak 'kesilapan' yang boleh supaya kita menjadi lebih matang dan mampu memiliki perspektif yang lebih meluas. Seperti kata Nami, "masa muda inilah kau ada lesen untuk jadi bodoh."

Ahah aku terasa semangat sentimental. What with Imagine Dragons Its Time echoing all over my head. But then it always happen that we stuck in choosing our next destination, as to what path to choose. The left or the right one? So many choices. Tapi yang menjadi juri hanya otak ini yang tak cukup makan garam lansung. Maka apa yang aku pilih kebarangkalian adalah ralat. Nak tahu kenapa. Dari pembacaan, biar aku cerita kenapa. In our body, we dont own only a soul but also a brain. Plus other thousands tiny mechanisms made up of only God knows . Yeah you know that. Everyone knows that. But not everyone knows how it works. Like this.

There's this prefrontal cortex, behind the forehead. Its sort of like the president pf the brain, in charge of calculation and rational thought. It's also the last part of the brain to mature, which is why teenagers often get into so much trouble.

And there's this amygdala. A tiny spot which is centrally located. Since a teenager's decision-making center isn't completely turned on yet, so they rely on this little piece of the brain instead. This is the impulsive epicenter of the brain - the one that houses feelings like fear and anger and gut instinct. Or, in other words - the part of brain that corresponds to "because my friends thought it was a good idea, too"

Bagi aku inilah prosesnya. Belajar seperti jauhari untuk mengenal manikam. Soal apa itu kematangan kita lihat bagaimana aku dan kau ketika tua nanti. Itulah matang yang telah kau semai dengan cara kau, aku dengan cara aku.  

Buat masa ini, untuk menjawab masalah multiple personality disorder ini, aku rasa aku masih dikawal amygdala itu haha. Maybe my rational, planned, premeditated thought is still in the development stage. Beginilah aku. Left in between two junctions. And so there I am. Tercegat. Even for the small little thingy like whether to use English or Malay? To talk for first or keep shut to strangers?  Or either to call yourself as aku gua I ana saya hamba beta or what, patik? Or if you have a friend, and she is about to commit sins, the kind you didnt do and will never do, and you know it. You couldnt stop her. You freak out. Would you escape? Run away from her and the sin? or would you accompany her and get involve with its everthingness - the consequences?  Or for some state you couldnt even describe. Aku terasa keperluan berguru. Persoalannya, if you dont know what to do, then what would you do?