tapi siapa banksy ?

Assalamualaikum.

Minggu lepas news feed saya rata-rata dipenuhi gambar ni. So hahaha saya curious dan saya pun join the crew. Atas dasar kecelaruan identiti hari ini kite guna saya okay. Kalau nak yang bahasa inggeris punya baik korang google sendiri, nescaya mega zillions lagi banyak. 

Sebenarnya Banksy ni dah lama famous merentasi sempadan banyak negara. Cuma aku je tak tau sebab dekat daerah aku ni aku tak pernah jumpa any traces dia haha. Bermula sekitar tahun 1990 lagi dia dah pegang spray can and menconteng-conteng dekat mana-mana benda, termasukjambatan etc. yang dia nak dengan mesej-mesej yang kekadang sinis, kekadang kejam, kekadang menyedarkan, kekadang tak jelas lansung, tapi yang pasti bermotif.

"The time of getting fame for your name on its own is over. Artwork that is only about wanting to be famous will never make you famous. Any fame is a by-product of making something that means something. You don't go to a restaurant and order a meal because you want to have a shit." Banksy 

Kalaulah ada button like.

Sampai ke hari ni entah berapa ramai tanya soalan yang sama. 'siapa banksy?' 

Tapi Banksy hanyalah nama samaran seorang lelaki yang bekerja di sebalik tabir vandalismenya. Dia bekerja pada waktu ketika semua mata terpejam. Dan ketika mata-mata itu kembali terbuka, Banksy adakalanya menyedarkan mereka yang sebenarnya mereka masih belum celik.

Sampai ke hari ni banyak desas-desus mengenai siapa dia di sebalik nama itu tapi yang pasti, dia adalah 'the most wanted artist in the world'. Maka sampailah ke hari ini, karyanya diangkat dijulang seakan masterpiece untuk tatapan umum, secara tak lansung peminatnya makin berkembang. Dia semakin lantang bersuara. Karyanya semakin dapat dikenali dunia. Banksy semakin berpengaruh. Biarpun tak siapa tahu siapa sebenarnya dia.

"Banksy is Britain's most celebrated graffiti artist, but anonymity is vital to him because graffiti is illegal. The day he goes public is the day the graffiti ends." Guardian Interview with Banksy

Okay jadi berbalik kepada cerita minggu lepas. Asalnya dinding ni ada dekat Wood Green, London tapi tetiba artwork banksy ni hilang. Dan tup tup dijumpai dekat Miami untuk dilelong minggu lepas. Macam pelik mula-mula. Macamana you actually steal a wall? Buktinya siap ada kat google earth lagi kot. Tapi last-last lelongan tu dicancelkan, tak jadi atas desakan banyak pihak. Honestly orang punya dinding tu berhak ke nak kata artwork tu dia punya?

Anyway budak laki ni dah dekat Miami pun. Yes union jack.. Tafsir la sendiri. Dijangka untuk dijual bermula £460,000. Gila. Apakah hebatnya si Banksy ni? Hebat sangat ke?

Well. Ni dia dinding yang dah dirobek tu.  Just thought you wanna know, si tikus hitam tu memegang perkataan 'why' kalau di zoom in. Seakan simbol menentang eksploitasi orang terhadap karyanya. Dan orang ramai mula mempersoalkan hak nilai sebuah graffiti.

Pastu pulak muncul grafiti seorang nun lepas grafiti 'child slave' tu tak jadi lelong.

So bila ramai yang protest, terbuktilah memang ramai rupanya peminat Banksy ni. Dan honestly i am one of them haha. Ni memang betul-betul artist pro. Memandangkan lambakan karya dia dekat mana-mana je, saya musykil macamana dia berjaya hidup bertopeng lagi setelah berpuluh tahun ni. Bak kata sorang laki ni, he's a cutting edge marketing genius. Indeed.

Time 2005 dia lukis 9 gambar dekat sempadan tebing pemisah Palestine-Israel. Obviously sangat kontroversional (walaupun waktu tu saya duduk kat bawah katak bawah tempurung hehe). I thank you somehow for standing up for them. A very brave defiance in fact.

"The segregation wall is a disgrace.. The possibility I find exciting is you could turn the world's most invasive and degrading structure into the world's longest gallery of free speech and bad art." This is why.

Yang ni paling aku suka kot. Pretending as some british man, dia letak sendiri artwork dia secara curi-curi dekat empat muzium utama New York, sekali dengan plaq nama dengan description. Muzium-muzium tu The Brooklyn Museum, The Metropolitan Museum of Art, The Museum of Modern Art, dengan Museum of Natural History. Alasannya sebab dia tak mampu tunggu muzium tu nak letak karya dia lama sangat. haha.. Nah kalau nak baca sangat.

“You're mind is working at its best when you're being paranoid. You explore every avenue and possibility of your situation at high speed with total clarity.” 

500 CD Paris Hilton dia usik pastu diagihkan ke tempat-tempat lain. Tajuk track-track dia pun ditukar jadi ''Why I am famous' and 'What Have I Done' dll. Ni pun best haha. Sebenarnya kebanyakan kerja dia memang banyak diambil dari orang lain, manipulasi daripada kerja pelukis-pelukis terkemuka atau pun yang tak terkemuka.

Its creative outside beyond the box. Bayangkan, tahun 2010 dia dapat pencalonan Oscar walaupun orang got no idea siapa dia. Cool huh. Menelusuri personaliti si mamat ni begitu menarik. Walaupun ramai juga orang yang menentang dia, tapi tak dapat dinafikan yang dia ni best. Membuatkan kita semua tertungu-tunggu karya dia yang akan datang. Dan ada semacam profil yang tak terlalu menonjol, tak terlalu tenggelam, tapi just fine untuk sesiapa. Hidup untuk membebaskan dan pantang dibiar terikat. But whoever he is, he got a point, and he aint kidding man. Banyaknya membuatkan saya berfikir tertanya-tanya. Kalau korang tengok hasil-hasil kerja dia pun, tidakkah korang tersentap dan berfikir dua tiga empat lima kali. Tak pun, sekali? 

'The human race is an unfair and stupid competition. A lot of runners don't even get decent sneakers or clean drinking water'

(ok semua yang bold & italic ni is his quotes.)

“If at first you don't succeed, Call an airstrike."

“Nothing is black and white, and there is no purity and there is no such thing has justice.” 

Somehow he'd agreed to my previous post, the gray thingy. Nothing is black and white. am i right. at some point?

In case u forgot Guantanamo bay.

“If you want to say something and have people listen then you have to wear a mask. If you want to be honest then you have to live a lie.”

“The greatest crimes in the world are not committed by people breaking the rules but by people following the rules. It's people who follow orders that drop bombs and massacre villages”

“A wall is a very big weapon. It's one of the nastiest things you can hit someone with.”

'Some people become cops because they want to make the world a better place. Some people become vandals because they want to make the world a better looking place.' 

“My main problem with cops is that they do what they're told. They say 'Sorry mate, I'm just doing my job' all the fucking time.” 

“I like to think I have the guts to stand up anonymously in a western democracy and call for things no-one else believes in - like peace and justice and freedom.”

“Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable.” 

Honestly ramai jugak yang kata dia ni tak lebih daripada seorang vandal, penjenayah cam tu, so tak payah nak begga begga kan sangat la. Patutnya pergi jail je bagus. Hahaha. Tak kisah lah. I like the idea how he left traces for people to stop sleepwalking and be alert.

Anyway, as in this stuff, the greater good are just too many I think I started to accept vandalisme a bit, itupun yang positive. Kalau nak tunggu authoriti hmmm berjanggut, dah dapat jawapan semuanya pun tak dibenarkan haha. I know right.

After all dia ni menukar wajah street art dan mencantikkan makna dunia vandalisme yang supposedly bagi aku tak de guna. Even dia ni digelar 'King Of Street Art'. But honestly who cares. I like the ideas anyway! Even sekarang ni beberapa buku dia dah officially dipublish. Dan dia dah pernah buat pameran kat muzium yang sah dah pun. He rocks the world... Pernah dengar tak anonimity leads to honesty? Cam tu la  kenapa saya rasa he's awesome...  Dan tak pula kecoh mengejar populariti. Hidup anon! lol

Oklah. sampai bila pun tak habis kalau nak asyik dok tengok gambar dia. I love all his works ok. I'm actually against vandalisme but you may not know, I love graffiti and thats how I actually followed lots of graffiti artists, and this . is . exceptionally . cool . Saya dah puas memenuhkan blog saya dengan gambar-gambar ini hahaha.  Nampak tak the power of graffiti kat sini haha. Kepedasan untuk semua, dan renungan bersama. Hes one of the greatest of our time.

You can just google youtube or whatever and for sho ull find. haha. Terinspirasi tak untuk spread the goodness jugak. So far I'm fully agreed dengan his words. Saya termotivasi dan tergerak dan sebagainya yang berkaitan.

Dan paling penting, be braver to be honest. Kejujuran tu nampak macam buruk, tapi honestly ia lagi bertambah hodoh bila ditutup dengan penipuan.  

Bagi aku dia awesome la kot.. korang aku tak tau. ahaha.

SO INI WEBSITE BANKSY.

Kalau ada button like, just so you know, i'll like it. Website dia pun sangat cool ok

May Allah guide you bro! Amin!

*p/s: Selama ni saya ingatkan yang orang bukan islam takkan masuk syurga walau sekelumit mana pun dosa diorang buat. Tapi macam tu mana adil sedangkan Dia Maha Adil?

.

Yes I am still in my le miserables days. Do most the spm leavers are feeling like this? Bcause I watched adibah vlog and exactly we share some atmosphere there. Last three days I had a heart attack when my tumblr was attacked by a hacker virus. Now a guy from India ask for a collabo. So I though thats something really real, a business on boundaries! I ought to give it a serious consideration and discussion, so I took my times to think of the plans. Who can make the decision in just a day? After all I never believe in networking guys. But now its freaking scary. I said he can't force me whatsoever since the choice, too, is in my hand. I don't believe with creeper and I said my defiance no. Maka sekarang he kept mocking me with angry threats via mails and webcam and calls. Thank God its through a spare mail. How brave I am telling you this. But just remmber there's another side of the world which is full with orang jahat and freaks and horny guys and creeper.

But theres another thing that keep bugging me still. Faith.

My friend said if you dont know why the reason you're doing it, then don't do it. I am a born muslim. I was raised with islamic societal norm practically. So since forever I do lot of things because of the other muslim did it too. But I do not know the word takliq by then. Whenever someone tell me the reason why we need to do this and that, my uztazah for instant, I dont remember how I'd reacted at that time, but now it seems ambiguous. Just because someone told me something,it doesn't mean that its 100% true and I gonna believe it right away. My friend said if you are messed up, feeling lost and dont know what you dont know about the true islam, then start from the scratch. Do research, and do what you think you really believe. 

Doubt no more. Quality guaranteed. And so she said. 

Yes the world is also some small place for those strong believers like her.

Sketch 003

Salam.
So it wasn't a very cheerful days. And it have been almost two months since I deactivated my twitter. I cant stand guys. I know right, twitter gives so much fun and updates. But now i feel my live has been so much calmer without twitter. Without any followers. Without any other people prejudice and gossips. I used to be a hardcore tweetpeep. So once it was deactivated, please accept that I gonna talk more in my blog lol. But if you think it encourages you to say a lot of useless and nonsense stuff till you even harassing others better dont sign up your account there, since everyone tweets hundreds in a minute! Oh unless yeah you're preaching. In fact thats pure awesomeness.

Our politics are tiring as well. It contradicts the people. Even via my friends. Just look at your surroundings. Its proven. Honestly I'm not sure whether religious leader should get involve politically. Or vice versa. Because I couldn't tell which one I should listen to. People talking bad behind each others back, and I'm just listening to them. And talking about religion made me anxious too. You know how inferior I felt seeing those reminders in my fb walls or just anywhere.

Definitely muslims world are advancing, more real jihadist are born. But I'm afraid of my position, both in the world and in the hereafter. Once in the blue moon when I want to kill the night I would go to a chat site. As a safety measure I'd always tagged Islam as my interest, as so to have a conversation with other muslim, which of course is safer. So it happened that I met an atheist who was a muslim, and a very good young preacher. I felt so weak throughout both conversation. They help me to realize how my basis are not at all strong. What made you say you know Allah well. What really proves Quran is His word. I dont know what happened to me. But it really hurts. I can't even describe my opinion without the aids. I didn't wish that I would do a clever comeback to them, just like the popular dialogues of an atheist and the muslim. I'd only wish I would understand what happened and the main question of why. If your belief is questionable, then how can you prove you are a true muslim then. Who wanna admit they are the bubbles in the sea. No one. A lot of things to be learned. But my self motivation isnt that great..



Oh yeah I cancel out the post processing photography class. My financial statement isn't that all balance either. Sayangnye :(

Muslims rule!

Last night fireworks. View from my house. I'm having my break and I'm sorta happy. Rumor has it that jules and yuna are getting legally bonded soon.  I saw his fitting photo at hattadolmat coulture. Yay I'm so glad if its true. May Allah bless them.

Oh yes yes yes. Found a bunch of really useful websites. I could sense their sincerity founded these webs. They're simply amazing! Masya Allah, may Allah rewards your good deeds! Hope you have bookmarked this sites. 

•  http://www.islamicislamic.com/  

• http://quran.com/ the most online app all muslims pc should have.

•  http://dawahman.com/

• http://sunnah.com/ 

• http://salah.com 

• http://lionofallah.com/

• http://neeku.tumblr.com 

• http://ourspiritualheart.tumblr.com/

Inspiring people. Muslim rules!

“Keep your head held high? No, make sure to also keep your head aimed at the direction of the ground. Become acquainted with it, because eventually it’s going to be the place your body calls home.”

mental notes

Honestly I don't know whats wrong with my internet connection this past weeks. Extremely slow -  which has never happened before. Looks like someone has cut in our line. Yes, I'm half suffering and now is among those moments of the only exceptions. To be specific I dont have a topic in this post. I'm looking forward to April though. My calendar on April's weekend was fully booked.Weird isnt it. Apparently I still have two months with not so much to do. And in between, my result will come out. Hope for the best, expect the worst. Haha. I realised how much I've wishing for dq before, and being burnt to ashes I know things mostly work the opposite way atm we least expecting it. Although I'm on a very serious long school break there's still stacks of things I haven't done. So i'm listing down my things to do.

I have to fill in the upu soon, very soon. I've tried to fill them in thrice but end up blank. and now I lost track of my upu pin no. Everyone I met, as soon as they found out i am on their same age would ask that as their first question. No, actually everyone. Too cliche and annoying but for god sake I know when march comes the moe site gonna stuck. Malaysian website is still unlikely to withhold the last minutes rush. So before crammed everyone who havent, do it now.  

Research, mail then do layouts and redesign for cik amin. 

And need to give some money to gaza asap too, I'm afraid if the donations isnt available anymore. I already made a pact. The problem is I am still searching for a reliable medium for the money to reach there, in person. I would go to aqsa syarif only if my connection is better than this current state. The banks they used to line up in the mosques front I used to go had vanished. Since I dont know the right who, where and how, its a pleasure if anyone help me. (Bear in mind my internet are dying, some websites wont even load)

So that three is my utmost important. Now for the not so serious but still, promises. 

Aieshah. This week in sha allah. 

Promises to abah and blank walls to be painted.  

Laziness, go away. 

Uztazah. 

Murals.

Buy lace ups and skirt (or at least diy one) by this month. 

Find or borrow and read the catcher in the rye. 

Oh most importantly proceed my driving license. by tuesday. 

Go to broga with ana. This month.

Bring khaled to wondermilk, and if we're lucky we might go to hello deer market, though it is so rare. 

And still, theres zillions of photos need to be retouched, and published due to never ending demands, especially from kak jiha wed . Plus there's an editing class held by MOM soon, well precisely its in April, again. Ohoh I'm freaking excited cause I once asked for it, and I love them like forever. Seeing their editing is one of the things in my bucket list. But the only problem now is they cost RM650 or the one day class, RM350. So obvious I'm in conflict but I've decided anyway. I've spammed their labs to book since yesterday, but no reply so far. So tomorrow I gonna call them, another thing I hate to do. But seriously, I really cant wait to meet them in person! What do I mean them btw? The editing? lol. 

This is my blog, my notes, night people.

Princess Life

Salam! Honestly I have tonnes of stories to tell you guys here but since things are going pretty busy right now so lemme just post some updates here okay. It feels so wrong to see my blog unattended lol. I have posted the first half about kelantan previously and I did drafted the second half of it long ago. But before I even able to publish that I actually have been there again for personal matter for one brief day. I thought the journey in my previous post was my last time seeing kelantan for like this becoming five years or more but then again I've seen it again. And now since I've tasted various buses for travels, all of which judgement made was from the upper deck,  I ranked Sani Express as first, Mutiara as second, and Transnasional as third. Sani was the best because they have movies you can watch haha. Oh yeah and alQuran as well. Which suit the first rank just fine. Now I enjoy traveling alone. Ahaha sound so forever alone isn't it. But its not so bad as we teens thought. In fact its like a try-an-error-exam which is a matter of making the right choices, and theres lot of strangers to greet too hahaha. And though I have started the long process of my driving license month ago, I didn't proceed them because of the aforementioned reasons. I know most of my friends have at least own an L. While my driving spirit is slowly evaporating. Hmmmmmm I really need to find some times asap before it completely gone! 

Anyway currently I have been working some small bits of designs. I'm ok with it although I gain no RM800  in my pocket at all. I think and I hope its getting more serious. I used to love to do any computer jobs but, since more than once I had unwillingly fall asleep during my Word&Excel tasks, I'm afraid the word love no longer fit in my resume. So thats why I think its good to work at your own room plus its so comfy. But working individually has its negative sides too. For me, I remember since I was form two, people ask me for help in their works. Growing up with a father who love to repair computer and mend through its motherboard, I cant remember when I started to know photoshop and related (it doesnt link so much to my dad ikr ), but in my form two was my first time doing a business company logo. Bceause I was immature and less rational at that moment so whenever I willing to help it, its okay if I received no payment at all. I didn't know how I appear in their eyes, because there's even some times when the seniors asked me to do their art projects, and foolisly I did it (honestly what I did was fairly not better than what they did). Isn't it obvious that there are lots of people out there who sees through you, and they use what you didn't see in you before you realised yourself. Thats why those who contradict this norm often mark as an excellency instantly. As the time goes on, I learnt to be more decisive. I cannot continue to help everyone anytime. Until one day, I realised I had had enough. I need to say no, which seem so hard for my type. I had been deceived by some people who promises are like water, they keep leaking out no matter how many times you try to hold them in your palms. Money never came in my bank. And I felt sorry for myself, and somehow my parents too. I feel like they are undemining me because I'm not certified by any instituitions nor any levels but at the same time, they did took away my output. And that was the moment I hate to lean on people and their money. And I hate people who steal other people abilities too. So that was when I  learnt how to stand up for myself. Yes I am not as kind as you think.With that being told, I want you to stand up for yourself too. Why you need to lean on someone else when God created you your own mind, your own feet and all?

My goodness, Forgive me. I thought this suppose to be a quick update but I can't help spilling that out. Because the teacher back at mahad tu ask to do some murals. And honestly, the first thing I ask was about the peruntukan. Obviously I need some expanses to pergi balik there and to buy the paint and all. As if to mean that I was rude, the discussion stop right there. In fact I know last year they spent RM5 000 for the proffesionals mural teams set up for the boys hostel, thats why they intend for someones cheaper. I'm okay with being cheaper, but being free is quite a no-no. Hmmm. Anyway I decided to put some photos of the live in the fab lines haha, of a royal family. These photos were from my collections from istana negara okay. Bcause I want to create some jealousy mood at my atmosphere here buahahaha. Since everyone dream to live in the castle. Its like kun fayakun la konon, they always get what they want in a blink of an eye. They have never been deceived, money is never a problem, even being poor isn't in their dictionaries. But I think, as how much we want to wear the princess tiara, thats how much the princess want to sleep in our shoes. Its no use to be someone if we didn't enjoy being that someone. After all isn't life has always been depicted with full of dramas?

If I were the queen, I'm not sure whether I would place my tiara to public. Not on a dusty pillow definitely hahahah, but on every little girl's head! ;)

Ohoho isn't there any better proffesion than hers? For heaven sake! Fated to be YM!

Okay thats all! Quick update la sangat. See ya!

HELL IS FOR ANYONE BUT HEAVEN IS NOT ONLY FOR MUSLIM

Assalamualaikum! I wanna post so many stories here but things is so hectic right now so I just wanna tell one little story. I went to chat site yesterday. Thats what I usually do to kill the night when I feel like doing something once in a blue moon. And usually as a safety measure I will put the random stranger in the same range of interest, which in this case is islam. To me it always feel safer talking to your muslim brother and sister rather than other complete strangers out there. I admit that there aren't lot of people preaching in that particular chatting sites, but the one young men from london I stumbled upon yesterday was just spectacular. Dah kalau orang tu ada aura cahaya keimanan,I believe that light could even penetrate throughout the internet! Tu namanya faithful radiation haha ok nonsense semata tapi tulah, hebatnya kuasa Allah. He didn't declare himself a preacher officially but he said he likes to talk about religions. So he agreed to the title that I gave him, a preacher. After all he said isnt it that many of us have forgotten that we are all preachers once we start owning a religion, once we uttered the syahadah? Ashhādu ʿan lā ʾilāha ʾillaʾllāh wa ashhādu ʿan Muh̩ammad ras̩ūl Allāh.  Ok I malu seketika. And it turned out that he had just converted to Islam. And now he's spreading the word back to me. Masya Allah. As if he knows in what condition I am right now, how far I had been without the Quran, the alMathurat, the berpesan-pesan friends, the biah islamiah, and all the things I have left back at maahad. As if he can sense how my soul was in hunger of iman, and need charging badly. But in fact I know He is the one who knows, and yet He The Almighty chose this guy as my torch to show me that light I used was too dim. Allah knows if I'm about to astray. He protects us. So here came the guy, doing his duties amidst those thousands of horny guys , because he said he felt the need to help strengthen our muslims again, and straighten the saf again. Or in another word, to rectify me, another common-poor-normal-type muslim. Ok I was so ashamed.

Mmmmm thats a long introduction btw. Honestly I am not that keen on preaches or any religious talks. I know most of us feel so. Normal la tu. We automatically switched the channel when we see a figure of an uztaz. But bila fikir balik we should not reject them immediately all the time. Give this religious stuff a chance, at least for once. Hati kita ni takkan terbuka kalau kita tak cuba buka hati kite ni sendiri okay. So sesekali tu cuba lah bukak sendiri. Why not? And then we will see how much we will go from there. 

So yesterday we talk. And the output goes here. Though I am not good with words, I am trying my best to  share something this time. With that aforementioned, I really hope you get my point at the end.

When we talk about heaven, we would feel glad because we are already in Islam. Or when we talk about being muslim, we would feel relieved because our final destination would be the heaven. We always have the images how muslim have a greater chance of entering jannah. Since I was a child, I felt so lucky to be born as muslim because I have been told from varied flying voices that no matter HOW BIG a sin a muslim have committed, he will eventually enter the Jannah - even though after thousands of thousands years - because at least, he chose Islam!  

Bak kata seorang perempuan yang tak bertudung sebab tak dapat hidayah lagi,"Apa kau nak risau sangat? At least kite ni orang Islam tau. Bukan macam diorang tu orang KAFIR!" 

 Hmmmmm wait.... so just because she said she believe Allah, she is a muslim, thats how all muslims will eventually enter jannah?! Andddd...is being kafir is that worst? Ohoho that is so wrong! And I felt so abashed. How in the world I could ever conceive with that idea. Being a muslim only is not the key to heaven! Because of this perception, most of us dont realise that hell still exist. And hell look even less intimidating when compared to that heaven reserved for our muslim community. Sebab aku tak pandai cakap balik point dia (my memory span biasa-biasa saja) maka aku buat dalam dialog la senang sikit kot. The dialogue below is created between my imaginary Qadeer and Ahmad. (I'm in an obvious conflict in using english or either malay language. Still sayangi bahasa all the way, and it does not represent the discussion in any way)

Q: Ahmad, are you muslim?

A: I may not be the good one, but yeah I am muslim.

Q: Then how can you prove you are a muslim?

A: Tak percaya nah tengok my IC. Ripleys believe it, or not.

Q: But how do you know you are a muslim?

A: Ya Allaahhhhh I was born in muslim family lah. All my ancestors atok nenek moyang semua pun islam jugak ape.

Q: Okay. But the thing is, how do you know you are still a muslim?

A: Haven't I show you my IC before???!!!! Ape jahat sangat ke aku ni sampai ko susah sangat nak percaya!?

Q: Hoho chillax bro. I was just asking. After all, banyak je alamat dalam IC tu sebenarnya alamat yang lama sebab dia dah pindah ke tempat baru. Invalid address. So I thought the same could happen to your religion as well. Who knows?

A: Hoi Qabeel ko jaga sikit mulut ko tu! Watch out your mouth! I AM STILL A MUSLIM OKAY!

Q: (Pause jap lepas tu datang mentol) Eh a'ah lah. Thanks Qabeel. Aku akan jaga mulut aku. Actually bukan aku sorang je, ko yang tengah baca  ni pun seriously kena jaga mulut, mata, telinga, otak, badan, tangan, kaki kita tahu. Eh jap semua tu kire badan la jugak kan. Haha redundant pulak. Bahaya do kalau tak jaga. Serious weh. You know whats bad about so proud being muslim? You know whats bad to feel so safe being muslim? 

A:  *Qabeel ni perli aku ke ape* =.= 

krik 

Q: Hadith Nabi ttg muslim itu adalah... So kalau kita tersyirik, senang je kita jadi nonmuslim.lagi2 sebab syirik ni ada due jali dengan hafiy. Jali ni yang jelas. yang obvious. macam sembah berhala. pakai tangkal. ko tau tak syirik hafiy tu pulak ape???

A: *Qabeel haish dah mula dah*

krik krik krik krik

Q: hAFIY TU MACAM asdfghjklSo tak guna pon ko tunjuk ic ko tu tadi, kalau kita mensekutukan allah. sebab tu, nauzubillah,  kita kena avoid syirk ni WEHHHH!! RAMAI TAK SEDAR YANG DIORANG SEBAB SYIRIK HALUS NI DIORANG BOLEH TERGOLONG DLM NON MUSLIM

A: Weh bapak ahhhh!!!! bahaya gila syirik ni! Asal ko tak bagi tau awal2 do!! Habis kalau dah terjadi non muslim, semua masuk neraka ar kan???

Q: Woi ni mesti ramai uztaz cakap semua nonmuslim tu masuk neraka an??? WRONG3X.... JANGAN FIKIR MACAM TU YANG KO AKAN FIKIR SEBAB KO MUSLIM, KO LAGI BAIK DARI NONMUSLIM TU. ASTAGFIRULLAH, BIAR AKU BETULKAN....... ALLAH IS THE MOST JUST. xkan la org kafir born in buddhist would be place in hell just because he never know about islam, just because Islam never reach him. pada hari kiamat choices diberi

A: Aah la betul jugak. Sorry my non muslims friends for being prejudice against you guys. Allah the most just. Allah hafeez. Allah kareem. 

A: Jap, uztaz aku cakap jangan terima semberono je maklumat tanpa berlandaskan apa2.

Q: Sini aku kasi link. Ko research la sendiri. Ko ni budak genius kampus, mesti pandai nilai guna akal. 

Honestly we didn't talk so long because soon we realized its too late after midnight and we all got another works to be done. But mainly thats whats new to me. Ingat. Avoid the syirk, which means, mari mentauheedkan Allah. And remember, to throw away those false conceptions about being muslim, and non muslim. Though it was brief I felt so embarrassed by every faith he showed in his words. My long gone faith seemed to renew as to the rhythms of his story of converting to Islam. 

He even asked me what made me strongly belief in Prophet Muhammad? Angels? Quran? What are  my basis? What made me believe that I am a muslim? But only silence followed, as his questions strucked me. In fact these questions are hardly been asked to my own self. Seriously aku baru sedar yang soalan-soalan macam ni aku selalu sangat terlepas pandang konon I tahu the answer. So why now when I ask my heart dia tak jawab pun? I wonder what will your heart answer? Aku rasa macam takliq gila. Who am I kidding!?? Ulfaah haha kau dah 18 tahun dah kot. Banyak lagi basic aku tak kukuh. Honestly all this while I'll feel so inferior whenever I see the abundance of islamic posts and reminders in my facebook wall. So memanglah inferior kalau macam ni gayanya otak yang tidak berfikir. Afala tatafakkarun? 'apakah kau tak berfikir?' Aku sedar rupanya aku memang tak. Orang selalu cakap yang muslim yang kuat takkan pernah mati sekalipun dia dicampak ke mana-mana pelusuk dalam angkasaraya ni. So I imagine if I would be thrown to Hawaii now, what would I be. Oh my god. I dont know. But iman would die. So as I collect this tiny diamonds today, I wanna thank Him. Alhamdulillah. Allah kasik aku chance lagi hari ni. 

To start all over again. 

Therefore my dearest friends and family, let us help each other and keep reminding all way round to find our stairway to heaven. Ahah, I mean the real stairway to heaven. And last but not least, one of his advises as well. Imagine if we're born in Buddhist family, and every day we woke up as Buddhist. We have just discover the beautiful Islam now but we know we gonna die so soon! What if today is the day? So what would we do huh? What will you do? SO DO IT WHILE YOU CAN!

Allahumma yassir wala tu’assir robbi tammim bi’khair.

Black, White & Gray

Lately what I've been revolving around is all those things that make me wonder, you know, just wonder. About life, death, marriage, friendship. To me they seem like the most enormous issues on earth you can talk about for your whole life non-stop. You can even dedicated a whole new blog set up for each of them your choice if you wanna. There's always a debate in those words. Those things are like huge circles in our life and we are in its center. We take part in each of them because there seems no exit we can't escape. Prepared or not, we all play with them in our own way. Some takes it seriously, and some not. Mature or childish. Positive, or negative. Right or left. See? Subconsciously we always regard the world as if it is divided by this magical line into two blocks. As if there's always black and white in everything. 

But too often, we tend to forgot that there is grey, another colour which  is resulted if you paint the yin yang too wet, they going to mix. Yes, these two blocks can mix very easily. In fact personally I think everyone is gray. We all don't have a rigid me and you, we are always we. I always have this belief that when a group of person is sitting together, they will always be something common among them, its just unspeakable or either unthinkable. I've done a little experiment about that but I wouldn't tell you now. Because that will cause another hundreds extra words. And so, just because I don't talk about my problems doesn't mean that my problems don't exist. Just because I'm wearing the biggest smile on earth that doesn't mean I'm feeling infinite. There are times when you dont feel sad, but you aren't happy either. You are broken but you pretend you're so ok.  Like you have a war inside you. There is always some of us who are trying to get through the days without falling apart. There are some of us who is alive but have long been dead inside. Sometimes we feel so sad, so lonely you think no one can understand how does it feel to be you. Have you ever feel like that? Like the whole world is turning its back on you? I bet everyone have, but perhaps yours is the deepest. Even so, please don't ever consider your life as in black. Living in that black area is like a house with walls so high and brings no hopes at all. Its full of negativity and malevolent vibes. So lets pause for a minute, think. And remember you old days. Where you, just like us, have had your happiest moment too. Stay in the gray area because you will be expecting to be in white just any time soon. And even if you fall again, sometimes its okay, as long as you can get back up! And when its the little rays sunshine that get you through, tahdaaa you're in white! And while I'm being positive right now, when all those cherished moments are stretched ends to ends, doesn't it seems like forever? 

Wait. You do understand what I'm talking about, dont you?

Because all of this are happening. I always wonder if there is any teacher to teach me about this seamless life. How to prepare for them? How to handle them correctly? Am I doing what I supposed to do? Up until today I wish all school in this universe could expose their students to the ultimate guide to survive life, to fight death and conquer love. There should be a syllabus about life and its whole complicated constituent, not been forced to be so malaysian-exam-oriented. Not letting us experimenting with the world gleefully, that one day it lured us to failures, until long enough we realised its a fool, and we have been lied. And its too late to change anything.

Remember how the thing that hurt the most is pretending it doesn't? Honestly my thoughts tend to be better in novels that I didn't write, and song I didn't sing. Even then, sometimes there is no books, no songs, no work of art that can explain the way you really feel. There is a double-edge comfort knowing that no one really knows. 

But now you know it's always better, generally speaking, to be in gray.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
“I don’t much care where –”
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

—	The Cheshire Cat

SKETCH 002

Yesterday event were still playing in my head. Seems like the fun of it still glowing its warmth. But the moment I woke up today, I realised there was another bad news I have. And currently we don't come up with any solutions to it, yet. The school magazine we have been working so hard last year ( it was during my critical major exam period ) has been rejected. We promised to make the best of it out of all the editions we ever had, more fancier with the theme students notebook and many graphics in it. I thought I had make sure they didn't seem overloaded or messy in any way but at the same time I imagined the output as a moleskin where the notes are scribbled with doodles and all, are just nice. But for god sake it was rejected because everything in it was too fancy! It often occur to me how I have to redesign my design when it comes to working with older folks. Our taste is one thing we quite disagree with, yet its really hard to make they agree with my taste and to make they understand how its not that easy to change a designated stuff! Too often, at the end I have to listen to them and remake it. Of course we have to, its how the world should work right. Youngster should obey their folks, or at least try to. They demanded only times new roman and straight lines while we had chose our fancy fonts and curves. I'm not trying to be a rebel but I hope you understand how it is really such a time consumer! It gonna be a complete waste of time if I have to redo it.

So the lesson learnt here, let say you're working with A to surprise B, make sure not only A agree with you but show B your work as well! And get B's confirmation first! Don't give a care to surprise B anymore, you gonna be really really frustrated if B turn you down, especially if its a kinda big surprise. And in our case, it gonna be pretty much harder since A is moving out now so we really on our own. With no one on our side, from the language used to the students works, supposedly we have to start from scratch. But seriously, do we really have to? 

Sketch 001

I slept in at Maahad Hamidiah over this weekend, what with Kak Meera came all the way from Perak just because I wished she was there, omg omg omg it was so thrilled! But on the down side I also have my pesky mood swings. How on earth did they came no one ever know. Only after it ended I realised how extremely fun it was, even beyond words. Albeit they guys semua busy preparing for surabaya delegation and the teacher has ladap that day I didn't expect like everyone gonna greet you and makes you even feel less like an outsider, especially the teachers. Tsk tsk ukhuwah ini membuatkan saya terharu sangat terima kasih awak semua. And I did things I less likely do with them, an after midnight gossiping and a few counselling sessions before before that. Ahhh I started to feel like missing everyone back then. Now it seems like I understand  Holden Caufield "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." With all the juniors is one thing, and another thing was debate. I miss debate so much I think I had amnesia when I see us the debaters; me, bro fakhry, kak raihan, kak meera, kak wani, bro safwan, maryam, nadia, deeha, hafiz, affan, luqman, syed, rizal, munierah, madihah, and the rest my debate family tree yang besar gile - gathered. Ikr the picture of us being together are just so jawesome.  I can only say the picture this time, I didnt bring my cammmy so its obvious theres no digital memory. Cant believe I am 18 already and old enough to say 'heyyy saya budak baru nak belajar debate'. Who am I kidding! I got hyperventilated to see theres many new faces eager to see how handsome debate is. And at the end of the day they met us to admit that they have, finally, fallen in love with debate. Yaayyyyyy finallyyyyyyyy things gonna get really romantics.

If any of you the debaters or my adik-adik and cikgu (kalau le ada) are reading this, (esp fakhry, but i know the chances are only like ten percent pfft) I want you to know how I REALLY REALLY REALLY THANK THANKS YOU GUYS!!! You don't know how overwhelmed I am. In any way, only Allah can pay your good deeds! BARAKALLAHU FIKUM! BARAKALLAHU FIKUM! BARAKALLAHU FIKUM! BARAKALLAHU FIKUM! BARAKALLAHU FIKUM! BARAKALLAHU FIKUM!  XD

Haha maaf macam mengarut tak my writing cos I am like really freaking tired but I gonna write it anyway. The more you delay it, the more you gonna lose the momentum of doing it. Besides I just know that I have to go Kelantan lagi lusa, so the figure of being stuck in bus for another 8 hours or more is like hmmmmmmmphhh. Goodnight guys.

To make my rambling even more nicer sebelum tu terima lah ini, Yoni the kuyu. I dont know why everytime I wanna draw something it turns out to be yuna-ish. How laaaa. 

Second attempt to draw digitally.  I sanggat bangga sikit ni sebab first time dapat buat muke orang! FACE MEN! FACE! Hahah I know its not in any way real right but I tiba-tiba terdid the whole completed face ya allaaahhhhhhh excited taakkkkk...  Its not that hard except, the only reason why I did the turban bcos I have NO IDEA how people buat the hair so hairy asdfghjkl.

Astaghfirullah al azim.